Friday, August 22, 2014


It is rare that I take to the internet to rant and express my feelings on very personal situations in my life. Today, I need an outlet to vent.

Addition changes who you are. It changes what you care about. It will make some do or say whatever it takes to get the next high. I have seen this first hand.

Unfortunately, E's oldest brother is struggling with addiction. He has a progressively worsening addition to prescription drugs. The past few months I have had an inner struggle with so much anger toward him.I see the pain he causes E. I see the disappointment and the hurt he goes through seeing his best friend deteriorate in front of his eyes. I see how much his mother hurts and how much she worries about him.I find myself the most angry at him for using his grandma for money. He will lie to her in a heartbeat and ask for money "to get my tooth fixed" or "I need to get a part for my car".  It is very hard for me not to harbor bad feelings.

Multiple attempts have been made to TRY to talk to him. Sober moments are few and far between. The few attempts that I have witnessed have ended with him pulling the poor, pitiful me card. "Everybody thinks I'm just worthless" or "I guess I'm just like my dad"  You are a grown man. You are your own person. You make your own choices. People think the things they do about you because of what you choose to do. You have a choice. You choose to continue this lifestyle.

With that being said, I can't begin to imagine the struggle of addiction. The pain of withdrawal and the daily struggle with sobriety seem are things I hope to never know.

It was not easy for me to sit down and write such harsh words about someone who I know on the inside is a good person. Take away the addition and there is a loving, caring, and wonderful person. I fear we may never see that person again.


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