It is cleaning day here at Mellyville. I am taking a quick blog/lunch break. The plan is to spend our morning cleaning our apartment. Hopefully this afternoon I can talk E into having a picnic downtown with me!!!
I want to have the apartment in tip-top shape so that I can spend my afternoons this week editing what I have been filming (more on that later).
It is rare that I take to the internet to rant and express my feelings on very personal situations in my life. Today, I need an outlet to vent.
Addition changes who you are. It changes what you care about. It will make some do or say whatever it takes to get the next high. I have seen this first hand.
Unfortunately, E's oldest brother is struggling with addiction. He has a progressively worsening addition to prescription drugs. The past few months I have had an inner struggle with so much anger toward him.I see the pain he causes E. I see the disappointment and the hurt he goes through seeing his best friend deteriorate in front of his eyes. I see how much his mother hurts and how much she worries about him.I find myself the most angry at him for using his grandma for money. He will lie to her in a heartbeat and ask for money "to get my tooth fixed" or "I need to get a part for my car". It is very hard for me not to harbor bad feelings.
Multiple attempts have been made to TRY to talk to him. Sober moments are few and far between. The few attempts that I have witnessed have ended with him pulling the poor, pitiful me card. "Everybody thinks I'm just worthless" or "I guess I'm just like my dad" You are a grown man. You are your own person. You make your own choices. People think the things they do about you because of what you choose to do. You have a choice. You choose to continue this lifestyle.
With that being said, I can't begin to imagine the struggle of addiction. The pain of withdrawal and the daily struggle with sobriety seem are things I hope to never know.
It was not easy for me to sit down and write such harsh words about someone who I know on the inside is a good person. Take away the addition and there is a loving, caring, and wonderful person. I fear we may never see that person again.
I have decided to say goodbye to Sunday Sounds. I have enjoyed sharing music that I enjoy with you all over the past six months, but I feel like it is time to move on. The plan is to stick to a Sunday staple for the blog....I haven't put my finger on what that will be just yet. I am taking Sunday Selfie for a trial run. The goal is to post a selfie with a story each Sunday.
I've been playing around a lot with my hair trying to figure out what I want for my wedding. I curled my hair this morning (sadly, they did not hold for very long). Decisions on my hair have proven to be the most difficult of the entire wedding process.
"I like to walk around with bare feet and I don't like to comb my hair." -Beyonce
At this current moment, I am resisting the urge to hop in my car and drive to Starbucks. I really want a peppermint java chip frappuccino. I try my best to occupy my brain when the cravings come on. I find myself wanting iced coffee or frappuccinos when I have a busy or bad day at work. I am pretty much a stress induced sugar devourer. So, instead of giving in to my urges, I am blogging.
I feel like the past few weeks have flown by so quickly. I manage to stay engaged in something most every night. Tonight, I have a few hours before E gets home and we go exercise. I am so thankful for these cool August evenings, they defiantly make my efforts at exercising outside more enjoyable.
[snapped on our walk earlier this week]
Thankfully, one bottle of water and a blog post later, my craving is gone. Cheers to more blogging and less frappachinos!
Last night we got home at 11:30 to our carpet soaking wet. Turns out, the apartment above us had a busted hot water heater and water leaked down through our utility closet. It was a late night for both E & I. The on call maintenance man came and he had to call a carpet company to come (at 1:00am) to come get our apartment back in shape. I leave you today with what got me through my late night.